You know one thing I've always wondered? There's this one question that grownups ask children from the time that they're tiny. "So what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's interesting and fun if you ask them when they're tiny because sometimes they say something really cute. "Uh, I want to be a shark." ??? But grownups asked me that all up into high school, and then it changed to, "Where are you going to college?"
I don't know about you, but I always feel sorry for the poor 10 year old who is being asked that question and understands the significance of it. What if they Don't Know? Or maybe they know what they would like to do, but think nobody will take them seriously? Why do grownups do that? Don't they know it's awkward?
When I was old enough to understand the significance of that question, I always tried to evade it. There were three things that I wanted to be, but I never could really decide between them. My conscience told me that I should be a "Missionary," but I could never be completely enthusiastic about it. I didn't understand at the time that we are all to be missionaries, wherever we are. What my heart truly yearned for was to be an actress. But how do you say that to one of your parents' friends who's asking you this in front of your family? "I want to be a movie star." They would've laughed at me! Plus I felt my parents would be ashamed, if not scandalized if I said such a thing.
Perhaps there's some reason for that. I know I was a drama queen when I was little. I probably embarrassed my parents on more than one occasion out in public. Truth is, I love the spotlight. I always have. When I hit my teen years, I began to think the amount of spotlight you had in anything was directly proportional to how selfish you were. So I became a shy, insecure wallflower. But that desire has never gone away. I would love to be an actress, on the stage or on the screen. I've always felt sure that I have what it takes. And, to tell you the truth, if I wasn't so afraid to be myself, I would be a tiger. But right now, you'd never know it, and I'd be afraid to show you.
I've always loved choreography and songs from musicals. The more I learn about the theater, the more I'm enchanted by it. I love movie magic, but when I learn too much about it, it spoils it for me. So I just observe things like the camera angles, the effects, the scenery, the music of course, and the mannerisms and gestures of the actors. I watch the underdogs and the people in the background. How do they manage to communicate to the audience what the character is really thinking without giving it all away in their tone of voice? That tilt of the head, that flash of their eyes, that little movement of their finger. I always watch and learn, even if I never have the chance to use it.
It's not that I think all Christians should shrink back from the arts these days. In fact, I wish more Christians would get involved in them. We have more important things to communicate, and it could be portrayed in fact or fiction or fantasy...or..perhaps even in science fiction? I wouldn't be the mind behind that, but I believe it can be done. C.S. Lewis did it in his Space Trilogy. (Yeah...did you know C.S. Lewis wrote some science fiction? He does it masterfully. Go read 'em!!!) It's just that I don't think God is calling me to be an actress. It's a cut-throat world, and it drips with the filth and grime of the World. And yet I must admit, I often ache inside wondering why God ever gave me those desires if He doesn't want me to use them for His glory. I don't want to be selfish, and I don't want the glory, though it would be great to be appreciated for something I love to do...
When I played my violin in a secular youth orchestra, I used to go on stage and pray, "Lord, this is for You. Tonight I'm playing for Your glory. I give you every note, I give you my fingers, and I give you my soul. Let this be pleasing to You, and let me worship You as I play." I think that's what God wants from us what ever we do. I'll never forget feeling God's pleasure on me as I lost myself in the music and in His glory. I just wish with all my heart that I could give Him pleasure in all the things I do or long to do! Acting, singing, dancing...and writing.
But more of that later!
~Cadenza
Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's interesting and fun if you ask them when they're tiny because sometimes they say something really cute. "Uh, I want to be a shark." ??? But grownups asked me that all up into high school, and then it changed to, "Where are you going to college?"
I don't know about you, but I always feel sorry for the poor 10 year old who is being asked that question and understands the significance of it. What if they Don't Know? Or maybe they know what they would like to do, but think nobody will take them seriously? Why do grownups do that? Don't they know it's awkward?
When I was old enough to understand the significance of that question, I always tried to evade it. There were three things that I wanted to be, but I never could really decide between them. My conscience told me that I should be a "Missionary," but I could never be completely enthusiastic about it. I didn't understand at the time that we are all to be missionaries, wherever we are. What my heart truly yearned for was to be an actress. But how do you say that to one of your parents' friends who's asking you this in front of your family? "I want to be a movie star." They would've laughed at me! Plus I felt my parents would be ashamed, if not scandalized if I said such a thing.
Perhaps there's some reason for that. I know I was a drama queen when I was little. I probably embarrassed my parents on more than one occasion out in public. Truth is, I love the spotlight. I always have. When I hit my teen years, I began to think the amount of spotlight you had in anything was directly proportional to how selfish you were. So I became a shy, insecure wallflower. But that desire has never gone away. I would love to be an actress, on the stage or on the screen. I've always felt sure that I have what it takes. And, to tell you the truth, if I wasn't so afraid to be myself, I would be a tiger. But right now, you'd never know it, and I'd be afraid to show you.
I've always loved choreography and songs from musicals. The more I learn about the theater, the more I'm enchanted by it. I love movie magic, but when I learn too much about it, it spoils it for me. So I just observe things like the camera angles, the effects, the scenery, the music of course, and the mannerisms and gestures of the actors. I watch the underdogs and the people in the background. How do they manage to communicate to the audience what the character is really thinking without giving it all away in their tone of voice? That tilt of the head, that flash of their eyes, that little movement of their finger. I always watch and learn, even if I never have the chance to use it.
It's not that I think all Christians should shrink back from the arts these days. In fact, I wish more Christians would get involved in them. We have more important things to communicate, and it could be portrayed in fact or fiction or fantasy...or..perhaps even in science fiction? I wouldn't be the mind behind that, but I believe it can be done. C.S. Lewis did it in his Space Trilogy. (Yeah...did you know C.S. Lewis wrote some science fiction? He does it masterfully. Go read 'em!!!) It's just that I don't think God is calling me to be an actress. It's a cut-throat world, and it drips with the filth and grime of the World. And yet I must admit, I often ache inside wondering why God ever gave me those desires if He doesn't want me to use them for His glory. I don't want to be selfish, and I don't want the glory, though it would be great to be appreciated for something I love to do...
When I played my violin in a secular youth orchestra, I used to go on stage and pray, "Lord, this is for You. Tonight I'm playing for Your glory. I give you every note, I give you my fingers, and I give you my soul. Let this be pleasing to You, and let me worship You as I play." I think that's what God wants from us what ever we do. I'll never forget feeling God's pleasure on me as I lost myself in the music and in His glory. I just wish with all my heart that I could give Him pleasure in all the things I do or long to do! Acting, singing, dancing...and writing.
But more of that later!
~Cadenza
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