I feel bad for today's generation. It used to be that if you had special news, you shared it with the people in your life, who then told everybody else.
You didn't have to pay for a photo shoot with signs, props, and cute matchy outfits. You didn't have to post status updates or selfies. You didn't have to stand around for minutes on end staging events to look spontaneous.
I feel bad for new moms who feel the need to keep the whole world updated about every new week of growth of her unborn child. As if they don't have enough to deal with in their bodies, homes, or jobs.
I feel bad for the moms of young children who may secretly resent all the fuss about having to document every milestone in their child's life to put on social media. From videos of their child's first steps, to getting their first laughs recorded, to birthday pictures, back-to-school pictures, every social event, play date, field trip, donut day, and everything else you can imagine.
Of course I appreciate social media, and yeah, it's kind of neat that everyone can see these milestones in their friends' lives. When I was growing up, my mother always had a nice camera that she used to document milestones in her kids' lives. (She was a photographer mom before it was cool!) She liked to capture spontaneous moments and candid shots. She would go have the film *developed* at the store, (gasp!) and then she would take the time to crop them and place them in an actual, tangible scrapbook. She was pretty darn good at it, too!
My dad had a camcorder that he used to film our Christmas mornings, birthday lunches, and every so often, our Saturday morning antics and spontaneous shenanigans. It's heartwarming (most of the time) to look back on those old films now. They're worth their weight in gold.
Both of those things contain stories of my family, and re-watchable memories of our childhood days. They're priceless. Documenting your family's life is very important. I just wonder if social media today is a little, well, out of hand.
You know who else I feel bad for? The young men. These days, a high school boy needs a whole huge plan to ask a girl to the prom! It has to be original, it has to be big, it has to be romantic. And in these days when everybody can see what other people have documented (bragged) about their own plans asking a girl to the prom, girls expect more and guys feel twice the pressure.
I could understand if the boy and girl are already dating and he wants to show her off with a whole special *thing*. But---the poor kid! He's what, seventeen? He kind of likes this girl, and he's already nervous about asking her. Why does he have to plan some huge romantic event or stage something dramatic? It's not a proposal! Heck, he may not even be asking her to be his girlfriend! Why does it have to be that way? Won't this just send a lot of wrong signals? Doesn't this just vamp up all the drama in High School, like, 100%? Heaven knows we don't need that!
And proposals---oh my word, proposals are way out of hand. Anything goes. Flash mobs, hidden cameras, proposing in front of crowds or on billboards. Just so long as it's showy and loud and huge. Just so long as it's recorded and posted on social media where everyone can see it later.
Here's a revolutionary question: Why does everything have to be on social media? Why does everyone have to be able to see other people's raw reactions? Why is it anyone's business in the first place? It's almost as if the pressure you feel to post is for everyone else's sake, not your own.
I've always felt that special moments ought to be private. I'm all for capturing things in pictures or even on film if you wish it, but it doesn't need to be Public Domain.
I was never asked to prom in high school. But if I had been, I wouldn't have wanted a huge fuss made over it. It would have been exciting enough if that cute dork in my chemistry class had just walked up one day and asked me to be his prom date. No signs, no decorations, no camera. Just a question with a smile. It would have meant a lot to me that somebody cared to ask me at all.
That's a hypothetical situation that never came close to happening, but I've seen this pattern throughout my life. As much as I love to perform in front of others, it always makes me nervous if there's a camera involved. If anyone walked up and shoved a camera in my face to catch my reaction, I would automatically tense up and become guarded and dignified.
For holidays I knew I had to behave properly. Anything I said in an unguarded moment was recorded for posterity, which could and would be used against me---mercilessly---for the rest of my life. How grateful I am that every time our parents told us that we were going to have a new brother or sister it was in the privacy of our homes, and usually around the table. We had time to be shocked and to ask questions and process the information. They didn't record it and zoom up on our faces to catch our bewilderment. Social media was practically non-existent back then; but if it had been, I could guarantee that I'd have been mortified if my parents had filmed us and then posted it where everyone we knew could see it.
Moments of that sort ought to be meaningful and ought to happen in private settings.
As I get older, simplicity holds more and more appeal to me. With elegance, of course! With class, sure. But simple.
I once read a blog post where the author described the way her husband asked her to marry him. They were walking alone in a moonlit field one night when all at once he took her hand and whispered, "Marry me?" in her ear. I love that. Simple, sweet, meaningful.
Not saying I want to be proposed to just like that, you know. I like the idea of having one photographer hidden to catch candid shots surreptitiously. I like it when the man takes the lady to someplace special to both of them. Especially if it's somewhere woodsy or a field at twilight or under the stars. Heck, I love fairy lights and rose petals. I'm the sappiest romantic you'll ever find. It's not like I'll be hard to please. But I would be upset if someone were to propose to me in front of a crowd or in the presence of strangers or even family or friends. A moment like that ought to be private and intensely personal. If I'm going to cry or laugh or react, I'd want to feel secure enough to do so without worrying about who may be watching or listening at the door.
I've noticed that while all forms of social media are booming today, the loneliness of people's daily lives is increasing at a frightening rate. Perhaps we spend our time on social media because it allows us to live vicariously through others. Because we're so lonely, not looking at a notification gives us the fear that we are missing out on something that's happening.
It used to be that people knew each other and lived their lives with other families. It used to be that people relied on other people for friendships, fun, and events. Today we just flit from work to activity to activity, never really knowing the people we see, and never letting our guard down. Social media exacerbates this problem. Every time you see someone's selfie of a night out with two or three friends, you think that they are having tons of fun and you feel left out. Since when did we ever need to advertise when we were having a good time? It's essentially bragging. "Oh, everybody look at me! Out on the town! I'm having fun! I have meaningful relationships!" "Everybody pay attention to me! I look cute! You all should look at me! And compliment me." "Oh, look! I'm at such-and-such location! I'm out exploring and doing important things! Because I'm adventurous!" "Ooh, look at my meal/drink! Doesn't that make you wish you were here with me?" "Oh, ladies, check out my hot man! Doesn't this make you jealous that this guy chose me and not you?"
If I'm out with my friends, I never want to interrupt the flow of conversation to make everybody pose for a photo. And I was raised not to tell people who weren't there about the fun I had the other night with the ones who were. It's just rude. It's essentially telling people, "I was having fun without you!" So, no. I don't do that kind of thing on social media. It feels weird. If I'm having a fun time, why do I need others to know about it? I don't have to prove it. I made real memories with real people. I got to know somebody better. I don't need people to tell me what a wonderful person I am or that I look good. I'm not keeping up with anybody or competing with anybody. I don't care if people think I'm adventurous or boring. If you want to be friends with me, cool! I'll be friends with you. We can do something fun together. If you don't like me, whatever. I'm not close with everyone I know.
I've found that if I'm feeling lonely, chances are I need to plan an event of my own. I need to invite folks to do something with them, not wait around and mope because I'm left out of "everything." It usually only seems that way because people on social media only document their good moments. I've learned that most everyone is lonely these days. Most of my friends and acquaintances are delighted at the idea of spending time with me.
I believe in Friendship. Friendship is the antidote for the chronic loneliness in our culture. Dating and even marriage won't solve your loneliness if you don't know how to invest in other people. Everyone needs more than one person in their life, anyway. That's why we have families. That's why we have acquaintances that can become friends. Friendship requires a lot of work to start and maintain. That's why people don't have real friends these days. Social media provides the illusion of friends without the work. It provides a way to build up a facade that fools people into thinking that we are cooler than we actually are.
This troubles me because young people don't know anything different. They feel the constant pressure to keep up a facade. Every new notification stresses them a little because they feel they are missing out or being left out. They're isolated because they don't know how to let someone in for fear that they will see that they don't actually have it all together. (But wait, who does, anyway? No one, that's who.) They've come to rely on compliments from social media to fuel any amount of confidence they have in themselves. Thus their deepest fears are being exploited by social media. And people wonder why young people are so depressed these days. They're lonely, and they don't know a better way to live.
Honesty and kindness are what we need now. Authenticity is better than all the frou-frou that we build up to mask the loneliness we feel inside.
~Cadenza
You didn't have to pay for a photo shoot with signs, props, and cute matchy outfits. You didn't have to post status updates or selfies. You didn't have to stand around for minutes on end staging events to look spontaneous.
I feel bad for new moms who feel the need to keep the whole world updated about every new week of growth of her unborn child. As if they don't have enough to deal with in their bodies, homes, or jobs.
I feel bad for the moms of young children who may secretly resent all the fuss about having to document every milestone in their child's life to put on social media. From videos of their child's first steps, to getting their first laughs recorded, to birthday pictures, back-to-school pictures, every social event, play date, field trip, donut day, and everything else you can imagine.
Of course I appreciate social media, and yeah, it's kind of neat that everyone can see these milestones in their friends' lives. When I was growing up, my mother always had a nice camera that she used to document milestones in her kids' lives. (She was a photographer mom before it was cool!) She liked to capture spontaneous moments and candid shots. She would go have the film *developed* at the store, (gasp!) and then she would take the time to crop them and place them in an actual, tangible scrapbook. She was pretty darn good at it, too!
My dad had a camcorder that he used to film our Christmas mornings, birthday lunches, and every so often, our Saturday morning antics and spontaneous shenanigans. It's heartwarming (most of the time) to look back on those old films now. They're worth their weight in gold.
Both of those things contain stories of my family, and re-watchable memories of our childhood days. They're priceless. Documenting your family's life is very important. I just wonder if social media today is a little, well, out of hand.
You know who else I feel bad for? The young men. These days, a high school boy needs a whole huge plan to ask a girl to the prom! It has to be original, it has to be big, it has to be romantic. And in these days when everybody can see what other people have documented (bragged) about their own plans asking a girl to the prom, girls expect more and guys feel twice the pressure.
I could understand if the boy and girl are already dating and he wants to show her off with a whole special *thing*. But---the poor kid! He's what, seventeen? He kind of likes this girl, and he's already nervous about asking her. Why does he have to plan some huge romantic event or stage something dramatic? It's not a proposal! Heck, he may not even be asking her to be his girlfriend! Why does it have to be that way? Won't this just send a lot of wrong signals? Doesn't this just vamp up all the drama in High School, like, 100%? Heaven knows we don't need that!
And proposals---oh my word, proposals are way out of hand. Anything goes. Flash mobs, hidden cameras, proposing in front of crowds or on billboards. Just so long as it's showy and loud and huge. Just so long as it's recorded and posted on social media where everyone can see it later.
Here's a revolutionary question: Why does everything have to be on social media? Why does everyone have to be able to see other people's raw reactions? Why is it anyone's business in the first place? It's almost as if the pressure you feel to post is for everyone else's sake, not your own.
I've always felt that special moments ought to be private. I'm all for capturing things in pictures or even on film if you wish it, but it doesn't need to be Public Domain.
I was never asked to prom in high school. But if I had been, I wouldn't have wanted a huge fuss made over it. It would have been exciting enough if that cute dork in my chemistry class had just walked up one day and asked me to be his prom date. No signs, no decorations, no camera. Just a question with a smile. It would have meant a lot to me that somebody cared to ask me at all.
That's a hypothetical situation that never came close to happening, but I've seen this pattern throughout my life. As much as I love to perform in front of others, it always makes me nervous if there's a camera involved. If anyone walked up and shoved a camera in my face to catch my reaction, I would automatically tense up and become guarded and dignified.
For holidays I knew I had to behave properly. Anything I said in an unguarded moment was recorded for posterity, which could and would be used against me---mercilessly---for the rest of my life. How grateful I am that every time our parents told us that we were going to have a new brother or sister it was in the privacy of our homes, and usually around the table. We had time to be shocked and to ask questions and process the information. They didn't record it and zoom up on our faces to catch our bewilderment. Social media was practically non-existent back then; but if it had been, I could guarantee that I'd have been mortified if my parents had filmed us and then posted it where everyone we knew could see it.
Moments of that sort ought to be meaningful and ought to happen in private settings.
As I get older, simplicity holds more and more appeal to me. With elegance, of course! With class, sure. But simple.
I once read a blog post where the author described the way her husband asked her to marry him. They were walking alone in a moonlit field one night when all at once he took her hand and whispered, "Marry me?" in her ear. I love that. Simple, sweet, meaningful.
Not saying I want to be proposed to just like that, you know. I like the idea of having one photographer hidden to catch candid shots surreptitiously. I like it when the man takes the lady to someplace special to both of them. Especially if it's somewhere woodsy or a field at twilight or under the stars. Heck, I love fairy lights and rose petals. I'm the sappiest romantic you'll ever find. It's not like I'll be hard to please. But I would be upset if someone were to propose to me in front of a crowd or in the presence of strangers or even family or friends. A moment like that ought to be private and intensely personal. If I'm going to cry or laugh or react, I'd want to feel secure enough to do so without worrying about who may be watching or listening at the door.
I've noticed that while all forms of social media are booming today, the loneliness of people's daily lives is increasing at a frightening rate. Perhaps we spend our time on social media because it allows us to live vicariously through others. Because we're so lonely, not looking at a notification gives us the fear that we are missing out on something that's happening.
It used to be that people knew each other and lived their lives with other families. It used to be that people relied on other people for friendships, fun, and events. Today we just flit from work to activity to activity, never really knowing the people we see, and never letting our guard down. Social media exacerbates this problem. Every time you see someone's selfie of a night out with two or three friends, you think that they are having tons of fun and you feel left out. Since when did we ever need to advertise when we were having a good time? It's essentially bragging. "Oh, everybody look at me! Out on the town! I'm having fun! I have meaningful relationships!" "Everybody pay attention to me! I look cute! You all should look at me! And compliment me." "Oh, look! I'm at such-and-such location! I'm out exploring and doing important things! Because I'm adventurous!" "Ooh, look at my meal/drink! Doesn't that make you wish you were here with me?" "Oh, ladies, check out my hot man! Doesn't this make you jealous that this guy chose me and not you?"
If I'm out with my friends, I never want to interrupt the flow of conversation to make everybody pose for a photo. And I was raised not to tell people who weren't there about the fun I had the other night with the ones who were. It's just rude. It's essentially telling people, "I was having fun without you!" So, no. I don't do that kind of thing on social media. It feels weird. If I'm having a fun time, why do I need others to know about it? I don't have to prove it. I made real memories with real people. I got to know somebody better. I don't need people to tell me what a wonderful person I am or that I look good. I'm not keeping up with anybody or competing with anybody. I don't care if people think I'm adventurous or boring. If you want to be friends with me, cool! I'll be friends with you. We can do something fun together. If you don't like me, whatever. I'm not close with everyone I know.
I've found that if I'm feeling lonely, chances are I need to plan an event of my own. I need to invite folks to do something with them, not wait around and mope because I'm left out of "everything." It usually only seems that way because people on social media only document their good moments. I've learned that most everyone is lonely these days. Most of my friends and acquaintances are delighted at the idea of spending time with me.
I believe in Friendship. Friendship is the antidote for the chronic loneliness in our culture. Dating and even marriage won't solve your loneliness if you don't know how to invest in other people. Everyone needs more than one person in their life, anyway. That's why we have families. That's why we have acquaintances that can become friends. Friendship requires a lot of work to start and maintain. That's why people don't have real friends these days. Social media provides the illusion of friends without the work. It provides a way to build up a facade that fools people into thinking that we are cooler than we actually are.
This troubles me because young people don't know anything different. They feel the constant pressure to keep up a facade. Every new notification stresses them a little because they feel they are missing out or being left out. They're isolated because they don't know how to let someone in for fear that they will see that they don't actually have it all together. (But wait, who does, anyway? No one, that's who.) They've come to rely on compliments from social media to fuel any amount of confidence they have in themselves. Thus their deepest fears are being exploited by social media. And people wonder why young people are so depressed these days. They're lonely, and they don't know a better way to live.
Honesty and kindness are what we need now. Authenticity is better than all the frou-frou that we build up to mask the loneliness we feel inside.
~Cadenza
